By the Revd Dr Sandra Millar, Head of Life Events for the Church of England
Last week I was being royally treated by a diocese somewhere in England. Due to the pressure of time between presentations and meetings and our lack of local knowledge, there was only one option for a meal. Yes, the Golden Arches beckoned.
Now for most people it seems this is pretty familiar and ordinary. But quite quickly it became clear that me and the Director of Mission were on unfamiliar territory. Both of us began by saying, “It’s years since I have been in here.” Strange memories of taking the children lurked, or even further back to student days. But recently? I have lost touch. Not my world anymore.
At the counter we looked in a bewildered way at the choices. I wanted to say Whopper, but somehow knew it was the wrong thing. A family in front clearly knew what to do and smiled kindly at us. I tried to make sense of that was on offer, but could only cope with the big coloured pictures. Could I order something different? What if I don’t want bread? What if I don’t like pickles? The lovely young person at the till asked politely about drinks. More panic. “Water,” I said, and with relief so did my host.
We discovered sauces and salt, serviettes, but not cutlery, and sat down sheepishly. In our dog collars. A boy of about nine smiled nicely at us. The food was okay too. I might even go again.
It made me think how hard it is to come into church. We know what it is about and what everything is for. We know the menu, the procedure, the practice. But those who come back with memories feel awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes they want something that echoes the memory, sometimes they just need a friendly smile.
Every week tens of thousands of people find themselves in a Church of England-led occasion as they join friends and family marking one of life’s big events. They have stepped into a church building for a wedding, a christening or a funeral. They may be at a crematorium seeing a vicar for the first time in years. And they may well feel a little confused and tense…. Smiles and warmth make a difference. And if what we do is good, why, they might even want to try again in a different branch!
Want to hear more from Sandra?
Sandra is speaking at a conference called Stranger to a Friend in Derbyshire from 5-6 November. This special conference, hosted by the Evangelism and Discipleship Team, will highlight findings from Archbishops’ Council research along with insights from research around faith journeys. Wherever, and however we meet people, there are small things that make a big difference to how those new to church move from stranger to friend. Ideal for church leaders, evangelists, welcomers, family workers and all who want to see more people discover more about God and God’s people. Find out more.
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Found a reference to your role in “Preachers Companion”(Bought by my husband, a churchwarden who leads services)
My role, as churchwarden, is RPA ( mission) I do baptism visits, organise cafe services, ” holy habits” sessions with meals for children and parents and this year, a Fareshare project in a village with no shop, which has proved to be the one thing that has survived the lockdown restrictions and maintained good contact with the village population. I was amazed that the c of e actually nominates someone to examine the cultural barriers for ordinary people tentatively trying to understand ” church” I am interested in any material you produce which mugshot be helpful.