Attending to relationships, emotions, making time for fun
There are no shortcuts to healthy relationships, they take time and effort at every stage of life. And they are completely worth it. They help to build a sense of belonging and self-worth and provide emotional support and allow support for others.
Positive emotions can build up a buffer against stress and even lead to lasting changes in the brain to help maintain wellbeing.
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23
Make active choices to ensure you are flourishing in this heart space
- Take two consecutive days off each month so that you can get time with friends who might live a way away, or simply to hang out with people at home
- It is expected that all clergy have at least 36 consecutive hours off per week – i.e. don’t work the evening before your day off, or if you have to, clear the morning after your day off
- Do all you can to not schedule work meetings for the night before your day off – and always take your day off – for everyone’s benefit
- When you’re with someone, be present – let the phone go to voicemail, it’s fine
- Get people or events in your diary that mean you will have an evening of laughter – often
- Prioritise getting your holidays booked into your diary well in advance, even if you don’t know where you’re going
Something to read
The Relationship Principles of Jesus, Tom Holladay
There’s a joke that Jesus’ greatest miracle was having 12 close friends in his thirties, but what if there’s something to it? This book offers a 40-day journey to deeper relationships
Atlas of the heart, Brene Brown
A master class in exploring the rich emotional landscape we all inhabit, offering a vocabulary to help us articulate it. My daughter was told by her University Midwifery lecturer that it is the most important book they could read on the course
Something to watch
Four habits of all successful relationships
Unlearning damaging habits, you may not even realise you have, and learning new habits that will be life giving for your relationships – their wisdom is a game changer
Story: Attending to heart
Saturday dog walks with ex-teaching colleagues. Catch ups and conversation over coffee. Weekend and holiday visits. Meals punctuated by laughter. Histories shared, safe spaces, knowing and being known. Letting your guard down, stepping back from public ministry. Joy, refreshment and restoration are found in the friendships that sustain me.
~ Experienced vicar
Red flags
Notice if you are only connecting with people through social media or text – it has its place, but it is no substitute for spending time with people.
Reflective Ministry Groups
Meeting with others to reflect, support and learn
This is part of the Ministry support framework. Read more →
What Reflective Ministry Groups are, and what they are not
Reflective Ministry Groups are up to 6 people, with a trained facilitator, meeting bimonthly to help one another reflect on aspects of ministry, support one another, and learn together. We are investing in building capacity so that each person ministering, in whatever capacity, will have access to this vital aspect of support, accountability and resilience in ministry.
Initially, those starting out in ministry, and those moving from one ministry to another, will be strongly encouraged to be part of a Reflective Ministry Group. Once more capacity has been built, this will be opened up more widely.
These are neither therapy groups nor social groups.
Meetings
- The first meeting is a maximum of 2 hours allowing half an hour to discuss the process, agree protocol, and set dates for the sessions
- The groups will meet bimonthly for 1.5 hours
Practicalities
- The first meeting will be in person, where the group will decide if they would prefer to continue to meet in person or be an online group [which may be dictated by geography]
- Experience from those who have been in these groups suggests that bimonthly is a good pattern – less reduces their efficacy significantly
- Members of the group need to commit to making this a priority [e.g. say no to a funeral that is requested that clashes with an agreed meeting]
- The Diocese will commit to offering support, training and group supervision to all people engaged in facilitating RMGs
