When things begin to wobble or life tips into crisis
Introduction
Even when we attend to our wellbeing, when we invest in these areas of heart, soul, mind and strength, we are not immune to life happening. Bereavement, illness, financial chaos, relationship breakdown, and the dark night of the soul, to name but a few, can come along when we least expect it.
As well as your Bishops and Archdeacons, and other departments on College Green, here are some signposts to support when you need it most.
Story: Embracing our uniqueness
As someone who responds to people intuitively and pastorally, I often have the experience of people telling me things, and then I assure them that I will pray for them. Early on in ministry, I would beat myself up for forgetting, which would leave me with a gnawing sense of lacking integrity.
As I’ve grown to know myself over the years, I realise that I usually do pray for those people, but it is rarely right away. I need time to process. Often, I’ll be told of a need or situation, and then I’m about to head into a couple of meetings, leaving me no time. Other times, it just feels like I need some space before I lift these things to God. I’ve found over the years that walking the dog has become part of my ministry, and is something I schedule in. It’s a time when I naturally intercede for situations and people, often alone and out loud, in the vast open spaces that are the joy of living in the Cotswolds.
~ Curate
Click a dropdown below for specific resources:
When relationships break down, emotions are too raw and the fun starts to run out
The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
~ Psalm 34:18
Support available in this heart space
- Safeguarding: for any concerns you have about yourself or someone else
- Diocesan Counselling Service: confidential, free support
- Cruse, Be Well, National Bereavement Alliance: charities offering support for all those who are bereaved
- Hope Again: support for children who are bereaved
- CALM: suicide prevention charity
- Sunflowers, GSASS: charities offering support for those bereaved by suicide
- Bishop’s Adviser for the Ministry of Healing and Wholeness
Story: Support for heart
Our family was down and out, redundancies had forced us to lose our home and everything that I knew was falling apart, but in the midst of this God’s grace was clear to see. More time with family, random acts of kindness from our church family, including cheques through the post or meals dropped at the door, and the gentle enlightening of a pathway to the future slowly becoming clear. God is in our everyday moments, that is grace enough, but to my surprise I saw grace upon grace in this season.
~ Vicar in first post of responsibility
When God feels far away, scarcity threatens, and your mind is distracted
Do not hide your face from me.
Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help.
Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation!
~ Psalm 27:9
Support available in this soul space
- Safeguarding: for any concerns you have about yourself or someone else
- Diocesan Counselling Service: confidential, free support
- Sheldon Retreat: When you’re in a bad way
- Clergy Support Trust: Grants for time away and retreats
Story: Support for soul
I have been single by choice for 27 years and have given a lot of attention to support networks around me to enable me to live well. I have a prayer triplet I have been in for 12 years, plus other friends I know will pray when I message them. Close clergy colleagues share the joy and pain of navigating this life. I see my spiritual director every couple of months and have a retreat day each month with a longer retreat each year. Then I have both work coach and mentor to bounce things off on occasion. When I recognise I am really struggling then I have had short blocks of counselling. The thing that has helped me most is to learn to rest in God knowing I am loved, and work from that place where I firmly believe things don’t depend on me.
~ Vicar in first post of responsibility
When you’re too overwhelmed to learn new things, and your purpose feels unsure
Attend to me, and answer me; I am troubled in my complaint. I am distraught
~ Psalm 55:2
Support available in this mind space
- Safeguarding: for any concerns you have about yourself or someone else
- Diocesan Counselling Service: confidential, free support
- Be Well: Mental health and counselling support
- SHOUT: 24/7 texting support service
- Let’s Talk, Every mind matters, Help in a crisis: NHS mental health support
- Quell: Online counselling support
- Cando: Mental wellbeing helpline
- Samaritans: Helpline
- CAP, Citizens Advice: Support in navigating financial worries
Story: Support for mind
Nine months of hospital visits due to issues surrounding our second pregnancy were causing major damage to our wellbeing. However, a new friend whose profession was in obstetrics paved the way to better consultations, then that consultant enabled reasonable adjustments to be accepted during the birth and in postnatal care. Writing it down seems small, but it felt huge to us. God was so gracious in lining up people who could not only become firm friends but bless us in ways beyond our imagining.
~ Vicar in first post of responsibility
Story: Vulnerability and weakness
Christ died so we might live. He carried our grief and sorrow. We are God’s new creation through the resurrection. And we live by grace, not by being over self-critical. A ministerial practice of being vulnerable and humble before others teaches us to trust in the strength of God and open yourself to being empowered by the Holy Spirit.
~ Experienced vicar
When bodies, bank accounts and sleep patterns begin to fall apart
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.
~ Psalm 73:26
Support available in this strength space
- Safeguarding: for any concerns you have about yourself or someone else
- Diocesan Counselling Service: confidential, free support
- Alcoholics Anonymous, Drink Aware: charities supporting those with addiction to alcohol and their families
- Addiction Centre: a charity supporting those with addiction
- Narcotics Anonymous: a charity supporting those with addiction to drugs and their families
- Gambleaware: a charity supporting those with addiction to gambling
- Sleep Foundation: When sleep evades you
Story: Support for strength
When I was struggling at work, it was such a relief to be able to access the diocesan funded counselling service. I learned through that process to receive God’s grace and be gracious to others in return, even those that hurt me.
~ Vicar in first post of responsibility
Diocesan Counselling Service and Occupational Health
When things threaten to overwhelm
This is part of the Ministry support framework. Read more →
A limited range of people are able to refer themselves independently to the Diocesan Professional Counselling Service. Information can be obtained from the Director of People and Pastoral in the strictest confidence. All referrals are in confidence. This service offers psychological support for a limited time and is not long-term psychotherapy.
In addition, the Diocese offers further advice and support around occupational health for clergy and Diocesan Staff through Health Assured; again, details are available from the Mission and Ministry Department or the Director of People and Pastoral. Unfortunately, there is not capacity to offer these services more widely to other ministers.
Meetings
- The first meeting is a maximum of 1.5 hours allowing half an hour to discuss the process, the way you want to work, and looking through the agreement, and the intervals between sessions
- 5 further sessions of 1 hour maximum
- If it is felt that further sessions are required, that is by arrangement between the parties
Practicalities
- Those receiving Counselling would ordinarily travel to the Counsellor
- It may be agreed between the parties that online meetings are more appropriate
- Reflective Ministry Groups
Mediation
Helping navigate difficult conversations
This is part of the Ministry support framework. Read more →
Mediation is a structured approach of face-to-face dialogue to enable people to address their conflicts with each other in a safe environment with an experienced mediator present. The mediator will lead a process that encourages open and honest communication between those involved so that each can hear the other and find creative ways through.
Mediation cannot be obligatory. The mediator is not there to take sides, judge or offer solutions.
Meetings
- Will be structured and conducted in a private, mutual space
- It may be agreed by all parties that a second session is necessary
Practicalities
- Travel expenses, and room hire costs will be available to the mediator
- The Diocese will ensure that mediators are trained
Underpinning all of this are a host of Training opportunities to build you in your ministry, and an openness to any suggestions you have for training that would support you – if you are thinking it, there is a high chance that others will be too! Contact Kate Stacey: ku.gr1739474707o.coi1739474707dsolg1739474707@yeca1739474707tsk1739474707
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Feedback
This wellbeing resource is currently under development and we welcome your feedback. Please email: Kate Stacey